My Anthem Gloomy Day

Suddenly feeling so gloomy even in the morning and I play my playlist at my phone and my favorite gloomy song is Kygo - This Town so here its the lyrics .....

All of my friends are settling down
They're only kids but they're married now
Let's follow the lights, follow the crowd
Baby we got to get out
Let's get out of this town

I want an ocean view, somewhere
As long as I'm next to you, I don't care
I don't wanna live my life in circles
I just wanna find an empty road
Let's get away from here, let's go

All of my friends are settling down
They're only kids but they're married now
Let's follow the lights, follow the crowd
Baby we got to get out
Let's get out of this town

Nothing ever changes here, I know
Another day, another year, same old
I don't wanna live my life in circles
I just wanna find an empty road
Let's get away from here, let's go

All of my friends are settling down
They're only kids but they're married now
Let's follow the lights, follow the crowd
Baby we got to get out
Let's get out of this town

Let's get out of this town

Let's go

Let's get out of this town

Let's get out of this town

Let's go

Let's get out of this town

Let's get out of this town

Let's get out of this town

Let's get out of this town

https://soundcloud.com/kygo

pic from; https://soundcloud.com/kygo

Lamunan Sore Hari..

14 November 2016


Senin sore, di suatu Kedai Kopi...


"Rasa tidak akan pernah bisa ditahan. Banyak pertanyaan untuknya.
tapi jiwa ini siap menunggu kata 'yakin' darinya"


-RR-

Feel Miserable

Manusia mencoba menghadapi kehilangan dengan cara yang berbeda-beda. Mungkin ini cara saya untuk menghadapi kehilangan. Sebuah kehilangan akan rasa. feel numb sometimes? yes I feelin it now, even though my friends around me. pernah suatu ketika kalian merasa sepi sendiri walau kalian berada di tengah-tengah keramain? saya sering merasakan itu. entah pada saat saya sedang bersama siapapun, sekelebat perasaan itu muncul. tanpa di duga tanpa direncanakan.

saya pernah membicarakan ini pada teman saya. katanya saya rindu seseorang. rindu kehadiran-nya di tengah keramaian yang sedang saya rasakan. namun siapa? kosongnya perasaan itu seketika membuat saya berpikir apa yang kurang dari keramaian dan kesenganan ini?

ketakutan akan perasaan itu membuat saya menutup diri dari semesta ini. ingin rasanya hilang dari semesta hanya untuk menyudahi perasaan ini. perasaan kosong akan sesuatu. sesuatu yang tidak pernah saya ketahui penyebabnya.

Feel Miserable

Manusia mencoba menghadapi kehilangan dengan cara yang berbeda-beda. Mungkin ini cara saya untuk menghadapi kehilangan. Sebuah kehilangan akan rasa. feel numb sometimes? yes I feelin it now, even though my friends around me. pernah suatu ketika kalian merasa sepi sendiri walau kalian berada di tengah-tengah keramain? saya sering merasakan itu. entah pada saat saya sedang bersama siapapun, sekelebat perasaan itu muncul. tanpa di duga tanpa direncanakan.

saya pernah membicarakan ini pada teman saya. katanya saya rindu seseorang. rindu kehadiran-nya di tengah keramaian yang sedang saya rasakan. namun siapa? kosongnya perasaan itu seketika membuat saya berpikir apa yang kurang dari keramaian dan kesenganan ini?

ketakutan akan perasaan itu membuat saya menutup diri dari semesta ini. ingin rasanya hilang dari semesta hanya untuk menyudahi perasaan ini. perasaan kosong akan sesuatu. sesuatu yang tidak pernah saya ketahui penyebabnya.

Face of Mask

I wish you'd seen me from the start. I wish you'd wanted me from the beginning. I wish you'd given me that assurance. Maybe that I would know you're the one. Maybe then I wouldn't be so messed up trying to figure out how someone would know that another person is their special person in this world of faces.
And among all the people that have come and gone, you seem to stand out. Not that the promises are different. I'm just silly enough to believe yours. To believe that you're not one of my beloved 'friends' who come and go. Seasonal, really. They can all just go away for good, really. That wouldn't be the worst thing. At least my social life, if I ever had one, wouldn't have to be based on lies.

But you're you, and I'm just me. We're worlds apart. I live in a world where people use me, and I so generously let them because somewhere deep inside this warped mind of mine, I feel like this is the only way I can get people to like me. To accept me. To call me out to do normal people things. But where are the faces that I recognize.
Silly me, I know. But people can really disappoint sometimes. I'm fresh out of masks and the ones I have left are slowly slipping. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend to be nice to the people who are pretending to be nice to me. Suddenly I'm an angry, sad, little girl all over again. But that's fine, because nobody has to see. Oh look.. A new mask.

KELABU

Kemarin saya melewatkan hari bersama seorang teman saya yang kebetulan adalah mantan saya 4 tahun silam. Tidak banyak yang saya lakukan denganya, hanya bertukar kabar masing-masing hingga menemaninya bermain bass, keahlian a.k.a hidupnya adalah bass dan ya, dia seorang bassist.

Pada  satu moment kami mengobrol banyak hal, hal random tentunya yang tidak sengaja keluar dari bibir kami masing-masing. hingga satu detik dimana saya bercerita tentang my Capt.

Saya bercerita tentang how black my ex life. and That day I was realize that I cant change my Capt. W cuz I'm not sure about my self. white or black. I get it from him. I was unconscious about this then I waking up with that thought. My bassist (sebut saja begitu) menyadarkan saya bahwa saya pun tidak dapat merubah keadaan atau diri Capt. dengan saya sendiri yang tidak tahu siapa diri saya sebenernya. black or white? saya berada di tengah-tengah, abu, kelabu tepatnya.

Saya tidak mengenal diri saya yang putih bersih atau hitam pekat. bagaimana saya akan menunjukkan atau merangkul Capt. untuk menuju warna putih kalau saya saja belum yakin atau paham warna apa yang ada di dalam diri saya. sejak malam itu saya membuka pemikiran saya terhadap Capt. W dimana dalam keadaan ini dia tidak bersalah sebenarnya.

Dia bukan seseorang yang belum mau berubah menjadi putih bersih bersama saya. tapi saya lah yang membuat dia memutuskan untuk tidak merubah dirinya menjadi putih bersama saya karena saya sendiri yang masih kelabu, entah sampai kapan saya akan menjadi kelabu mencari-cari warna apa yang tepat untuk diri saya sendiri.

Can I get to the time when we were together Capt. W? I should come with my white colour and hold your hand to change it with me. sebut saja diri saya Kelabu, sepeti Kabut. Tipis berwarna putih dan abu, tidak bisa di genggam dan dirasa selalu hilang saat matahari tinggi. 

I Have Loved You and I Did My Best

When I realize that I cared about you more than I cared about my friend. What I mean is I realize that my feelings going to wrong path. We used to be a best friends. We talked and we shared a lot of things. My journey, your journey, my thoughts, your thoughts and our souls I think. We became one, We blur to be one, and its called love. I have no idea I could gave you the damn thing that I can ever never gave to someone else.

When the end of our road, you pull me out. Out of your life and it makes me not know about you anymore. You become someone else that you said you would never be. And it happens we screw up, I dont know it becomes to be the war of our ego or our love. one thing that I want you to know, I have loved you, and I did my best. If your not realize it you will. One day you will realize it I believe it would happen. I still love you Capt, and I will. but Goodbye. 

This pic from The Theory of Everything Movie, at least I gave him my best.